(English is a funny language) I did pass the last exam I took; it is not the last exam, though, I have one more left.
My family and friends, they all think I have finally completed my exams. I feel bad for this lie and I wish I could take it back (I know I could anytime, it is just not easy to do now, nor worth it) but, most of all, I laugh thinking about how this lie situation started: it was an honest mistake.
«So, how many exams do you have left?», my mother asked last year.
«Five», I answered. It was six but I forgot one.
It was an honest mistake! I simply forgot to count one exam.

Months later, I give an exam and everybody cheers and says «Good job! Only four left!». And I'm there, thinking "wait, why do they say four? I have five left, why do they say — oh..."
From that moment, I carried on with the lie, the more time passed the more awkward and shameful it got and I have never confessed. Now they are all celebrating because they think I passed my last exam, and I am so ashamed of myself!

The thing is: confessing now, after all this time, is shameful mostly because it is an old lie; confessing then, as soon as I realised the mistake, would have been shameful because of the extra exam and the extra effort I should have put in my work to demonstrate I was taking it seriously. I was not, as it turns out, taking it seriously enough; if I did, I would have studied more and harder, and I would have caught up. Instead, I took my time when I had no time to spare.

My friends from university, my colleagues, they know the truth. It's easier with them, I feel no shame in being the last one (among my group) that still hasn't passed this exam. They know what it's like; they know how stressful it can get and how the stress can slow you down. They have all fought the same battle with me.
The one, tiny problem is — now we get to the interesting bit! — a friend of mine from university, we'll call him A, sometimes hangs out with me and my other friends group because he knows (he is actually very close with) some of them.

My fear is that A might one day reveal to these other friends of mine that I am one exam behind, and then they will know I lied! and my family will know too...
Were it not for him, I would not have cared for this lie. There, I said it! I am only ashamed because I fear people might find out.
If I had the certainty this lie would never come out, I would have felt no regret, no remorse, no shame. I'm sure this makes me a bad person, somehow. I am also sure we are all bad persons in this regard.

---

I don't like this post, not for the content in itself — it actually felt good to write it down — I don't like the style, the choice of words and newlines and text form. I could have written it better.